Bones Fractured
by NotSorry
Summary: A series of oneshots. Anything and everything. ABANDONED  read at your own risk
1. Toilet

**Hello! I just came home from a weeklong school camp at Canberra, Australia's capital. We had to take a bus. A bus from Brisbane to Canberra. Any Aussie would know how long that is (clue- it's really long). Anyway, the trip takes over a day, and I was one of the few people who could not fall asleep on the crap 'country' roads. And I had to share a room with nine other girls who seriously need a lesson in hygiene. Seriously, I woke up one morning it somebody else's bra on my face! And they wouldn't stop talking in the middle of the night. No matter how many death threats I used (and some were quite creative, might I add), they just giggled and talked and whispered. So right now, I haven't slept in about two days straight, my not-yet stepbrother's best friend got hit by a train, my Granny's sick, as well as my Grandpa, and I have a killer of a headache. **

**But enough about me. The story- Yes, well. It has come to my attention that I have been uploading all of my Skulduggery Pleasant oneshots separately. So I thought- I should just put them all in one story. And- TA DAA! This was born. So, basically, oneshots. Different pairings, different emotions and genres (though, knowing me, most will be romantic). **

**Enjoy!**

"Skulduggery!" Valkyrie burst into her partner's house on Cemetery road. Her dark hair was messy and in knots, and she appeared to be in her pyjamas. The desperate, somewhat pained look on her face caught the skeleton's attention as he walked slowly into the front room. "Why, hello, Valkyrie. What are you doing in your ever-so charming night clothes?" Valkyrie just glared, in too much of a hurry to be embarrassed at her short shorts and tank top that said 'GR8NBED'. She pushed her way past him. "Quiet, you. I need to pee _bad_." Skulduggery stared after her as she ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her in her rush. A few minutes later, he heard the sound of the toilet flushing and soon the door opened to reveal a much more relaxed Valkyrie. Without a word, she went and sat on Skulduggery's favourite seat, practically melting into it and placing his hat over her face in an attempt to block out the light. After a moment, Skulduggery broke the silence. "Forgive me if I'm wrong, but doesn't your house have a toilet?"  
Snorting humourlessly, Valkyrie peeked up at him. "It's broken. Won't flush. And some other crap. Anyway, the plumber said it would cost an ungodly amount, so they're waiting it out until they save up. We have to spend as much time out of the house as possible, but I have to _sleep_ there." Looking at the clock on the table beside her, she groaned, and muttered something about 'two-A-fucking-M'.  
"Well, I best be going. Don't want Catherine to get too suspicious. Seriously," she whined as she got up. "Little sisters are annoying. She's only twelve, for Christ's sake! Ugh, I shouldn't have let my parents talk me into not moving out." Grabbing her car keys, Valkyrie cast one look at Skulduggery, who had gone back to meditating. Scowling, she look gave him a rude hand gesture, walking out the door still wearing his hat. Picking it off her head, she threw it in the air a few times before throwing it Frisbee style, making it land on his chimney with the air. "That'll teach him to not listen to my rants."


	2. Leaving Me Speechless

_**Tanith/Ghastly.  
I do own the Skulduggery Pleasant series. It belongs to Derek Landy, the amazing author who is the inspiration to all of my writing. **_

Tanith Low hated the fact that someone – a _man_, at that – could leave her speechless, dumbstruck, confused. Many years ago, she had vowed that she would dedicate her life to ridding the world of evil, and not bother with that so called _love _crap. It would distract her, which wouldn't do at all. Her line of work required concentration, and she couldn't let her guard down for a man. But she had. Oh, God, she had. She had let herself fall. Fall into him, into his embrace. And worst of all- She let her guard down. For a man. Ugh.

Ghastly Bespoke. Strong, intelligent, determined. Everything she would look for in a man if she were interested in looking- which she was _not_. But she found that sometimes you don't have to be looking to find. She found him out of pure coincidence, with a little help from a dark-haired girl who attracted trouble wherever she went. They were a part of a team. They watched each other's backs and trusted each other simply because they needed someone to trust. Together, they became a part of a team, a team that could kick some serious arse, thank you very much.

...

Ghastly Bespoke was scarred. Common knowledge, yes, and most people avoided him because of it. And because of this fact, he had grown to accept that he would probably never find love. _Love_. A foreign concept, to say the least. He didn't desire it, mainly because he didn't understand it. Then he met her. The strong, independent woman that left him staring after her when she left, awestruck and shocked at the emotions that her hips alone brought. And he understood love. He desired it. And he was confused, and scared of how his scars would affect her feelings.

Tanith Low. Strong, intelligent, determined. Everything he would look for in a woman, if he ever bothered looking. Which he didn't, because he was thoroughly convinced it was useless, and he would just be disappointed. He wasn't looking. Of course not. But you don't have to be looking to find. He found her because of that girl that would not take his advice and forget about their world. And then his best friend went and got kidnapped, and he met the woman of his dreams. Maybe it was a good thing that the girl had decided to ignore him. Maybe.

_**I love reviews, just so you know. Think about how much YOU like them. You'll understand how much they inspire and help m**_**e **_**write updates.**_


	3. Dear Caelan

Dear Caelan,

HA! IN YOUR FACE!

From Fletcher


	4. Diary of a Zombie

_**Diary of a Zombie**_

Dear Diary,

It's hard being a zombie. Nobody _understands_ how painful it is, being _shunned_ and _mocked_. Not to mention that I'm stuck with that idiot_, Thrasher_. Ugh. How he irritates me. Always _whining_, and _worshipping_, and _praising._ Does he ever stop? A-Oh, look, my ear fell off. _Again_. And there goes my toe. I should get Thrasher to turn the temperature down. Anyway. Being a zombie can be so hard. Nobody gets that zombies have feelings too! Just because we smell, and yeah, we fall apart over time, it doesn't mean that we are lesser beings! Just because we have to live in refrigerated vans and hang air fresheners off every accessible part of our bodies (that can be very awkward, because I mean _every part_) it doesn't mean we don't (figuratively) cry! And then there's that annoying skeleton and that annoying girl, Cain. They think they are better than me just because they stop me every time I try to kill someone, and because they're alive! But I'll show them. One day, zombies will rule the world.

Then they'll see they were mistaken.


	5. Dear freakin' Diary

**I was feeling **_girly._** Don't blame me. Blame my so-called best friend who won't stop talking about **_clothes_**. Oh, and I'm going to be one of the main characters in my school's pantomime next week... I'm playing a **_guy_**.**

Dear Diary,

Ugh. A diary. I feel like so much of a..._girl_. So, anyways, today, for my sixteenth birthday, my _**EX**_-best friend, one Tanith Low, bought me you, Diary Dearest.

I almost strangled her with my shadows.

I'm Valkyrie Cain, badass partner-in-crime of the one, the only Skulduggery Pleasant. I don't _do _diaries. I mean, what kind of friend wakes you up on your birthday at FIVE IN THE FREAKING MORNING, by bursting into your room wearing a hockey mask and brandishing a baseball bat, shouting 'PREPARE TO DIE!'?

Then she discarded of the mask and bat, and handed me a diary. _A diary_.

Worst. Episode. Ever.

Anyways...

When I had finished ranting on to an amused Tanith about how girly diaries when, guess who, living across the hall from me in Gordon's house, just had to walk in without a shirt.

Fletcher _fucking_ Renn

And guess who just had to blush at the sight of his amazingly sexy body?

M-_fucking_-E.

Oh yeah, Me, Valkyrie Cain, blushed like a schoolgirl at a shirtless Fletcher.  
"Happy Birthday, Val!" he said, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Then he looked at me, blushing, said "Oh," and dashed out of the room.

Yeah, I have serious problems.  
Can you keep a secret, Diary Dearest that I have never told anyone before?

I, Valkyrie Cain, am hopelessly in love with Fletcher Renn. There. I said it. After months of denial, I am admitting the biggest mistake of my life to a book.

Pa-_fucking_-thetic. That is me. I am in love with FLETCHER!

So anyway, after he left, Tanith averted her attention back to me, and saw me blushing like a schoolgirl. Her eyes widened, and she clapped one hand to her mouth, the other pointed at me in a dramatic fashion. "VAL! YOU LIKE FLETCHER!" she screamed, and I had to tackle her onto the bad so she would shut up. Then, I gathered my shadows into razor sharp points and aim them at her neck.  
"You tell anyone, you die."

Yeah, I can be awesome sometimes.

So, her eyes widened even more, and she jumped up and pointed (again) accusingly at me.  
"I can't believe you like him! He's...he's Fletcher! He's the guy who has silly hair! Who is annoying! Who... Who looks at you like you look at him!" Realization dawned in her eyes, and I gulped. This could not be good. I could only guess what kind of crazy things were going through her head just then.  
"We have to plan" She announced, and I was about to ask what the fuck she was talking about when Skulduggery burst into the room, singing "Happy Birthday". I threw a pillow at him, swearing, and charged out of the room, running down the stairs and pouring myself a coffee in the kitchen (I love coffee). I turned around to sit at the table when I saw it was already occupied. Damn you, Fletcher Renn.  
"Hey," I said softly, sitting down next to him. Fletcher smiled.

"Happy birthday, Valkyrie. You're a woman now!" he added jokingly, as I glared at him. He smirked. "Well, at least in my books, sixteen is a woman." I proceeded to think dirty thoughts.

Fletcher has a sexy voice...

Ugh. I have to stop. Anyway, Skulduggery's coming over soon to take me to the Sanctuary. Ugh.

Ciao!

Valkyrie


	6. Dear Loved On

**I don't own Skulduggery Pleasant, blah blah blah. Enjoy.**

Dear Tanith,

I know it's been a long time, and you have every right to throw this letter out and forget it- Forget _I_ ever existed. But I am begging you to continue reading, because I cannot live without you knowing why I left. You _have_ to understand that I left for you.  
Back during the incident with Desolation Engine, and when the visions of Darquesse had just started happening, Skulduggery and I met up with Cassandra, a Sensitive. That was when I saw Darquesse the first time, and when I saw her murder my parents. As I was leaving Cassandra's home, she gave me a dream whisperer. A few days later, I woke up from a nightmare and the Whisperer retold it. It was my first case, when Serpine was after the Book of Names. That night, I briefly saw the opened book. I saw my taken name, but only for a small fraction of a second. That night, with the Whisperer, it came back to me.

Tanith, _I am Darquesse_. And I left to protect you, and everybody else.

But that doesn't mean that what we had wasn't real. All those nights together, Tanith, they meant as much to me as they did you. I loved you, and still do. I have never gotten over you. I understand that you may have moved on- it would only make sense. But these five years, The only reason I'm sane is that I held on to the hope , the tiny, tiny hope that, maybe, just maybe, your feelings for me never left.

But I know you hate me. I know you hate me for leaving and never telling you and never sending you word. But I did it for you

I love you.

_Valkyrie Cain_

**Ideas? Feedback? **


	7. Once

**I wrote this ages ago. Meh.**

The day was rainy, and the wind whipped at the funeral-goers hair as they surrounded the coffin. Inside the coffin, a tall man with the build of a boxer. Scars marred his face and hands, which were folded on his chest. He looked so peaceful. He could have been sleeping.  
A bit to the side, a tombstone in front of a neatly dug hole, where the coffin would forever rest. 

_Ghastly Bespoke  
forever in our hearts  
He will be missed_

A young woman stood by Ghastly's body as the crown started to thin out. Tears fell freely from her dark eyes, and her black hair was pulled into a stylish bun on top of her head. The woman, Valkyrie Cain, got a few startled look of recognition, but no one approached her. Eventually, there were only three people left as the body had been buried. The woman, a skeleton and another woman with blonde hair. The latter two were watching the woman from a distance, mildly surprised to see her. The dark haired woman was completely unaware to her observers. She was too busy remembering the times she had had with Ghastly. I'll miss him, Valkyrie thought.  
"At least he died doing what he loved." A velvet voice made Valkyrie jump, but she did not turn around to answer the skeleton who had spoken.  
"De ja vu. I believe you said that when my Uncle died." She said, and heard a sad chuckle. She turned and saw Skulduggery Pleasant and Tanith Low watching her closely. Valkyrie smiled hesitantly.  
"We thought you were dead. Everyone thought you were dead." Tanith spoke, coming up and embracing her old friend, who returned it weakly. She shook hands with the skeleton, and nodded politely.  
"I had my reasons to leave." She said, her eyes flickering to Skulduggery. "I'm sorry." Valkyrie sighed and shook her head. "I found out about Ghastly and... I'll miss him a lot. I wish I'd had a chance to see him again. I must be going, but... Ring me." Valkyrie handed them each a business card and turned, leaving a heartbroken skeleton and a confused friend behind her.


	8. Lil Darlin

**This is set a year after Dark Days, but let's pretend that Mortal Coil never happened, hey? I'd be happier that way. Anyway, I was going to turn this into a multi-chap story, Sanguine/Valkyrie no less, but I decided not to. Because I lost all of my inspiration. And yeah, this is a Sanguine/Val if you squint... I don't own anything, blah blah blah... Enjoy. **

"Why, hello, li'l darlin'"  
I whipped around at the all-too familiar Texan drawl. Billy- Ray Sanguine, hit man deluxe, stood, leaning casually against the wall of my study, fiddling with his straight-razor. He was wearing a brown suit and cowboy boots, like he usually did. His sunglasses did a good job of hiding the gaping black sockets that used to house his eyes. When I conjured a flame in my hand, he held up his hands defensively. "Hey, hey! I ain't here to harm ya, I swear."  
I raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Of course. Because a man I who's tried to kill me countless times just showed up in my house wanting to chat over biscuits and tea?" I asked sarcastically. He looked at me for a second and nodded. "Yeah. Somethin' like that." When I scoffed, he put on a fake hurt expression and held his hand to his heart. I still had a flame in my hand, and shadows were curling around the other. "Oh, how you wound me so, li'l darlin'. I was bored, and came to talk to me favourite li'l detective. "How's Funnybones going? Good? Still adjustin'?" He laughed, shook his head and sighed, grinning. "Oh, that _is_ a great excuse. _Adjustin_'"  
"What do you want, Sanguine? Because if you don't leave in ten seconds, I swear to fucking God, I'll kick your sorry arse and haul you into the Sanctuary myself."  
"My, my." He scolded, shaking his head. "What language coming from a young lady. How're you doin'? Hope ya took my advice from last time I saw ya. Making the most of those quiet moments, darl?"  
To be honest, I actually _had_ taken his advice. He was right- It was _hard_ to find a moment for myself. Every day, Skulduggery and I were off, solving some crime, while on the side trying to find out more about Darquesse. It was a pointless search, but I couldn't tell Skulduggery that. I could just imagine that conversation.

"_So, Skulduggery," I started casually, hopping into the Bentley. "You'll never guess what!"  
"What, Valkyrie?" He asked tiredly, starting the car.  
"You know Darquesse? The sorcerer who's going to kill the world?"  
"Yes, of course I do, Valkyrie. What do you think we've been working on for the last year?"  
"Yeah, well. Whatever. I know who she is!" I said in a sing-song voice. The car swerved, almost hitting a cat. Skulduggery slammed the brakes and stared at me. "W-What?" he choked out. Yep, that's me. The one person who could leave the famous Skulduggery Pleasant speechless. I laughed.  
"It's me, silly! I'm Darquesse! I've known all year, but I was just too scared to tell you. You know that Dream-Whisperer? Well, it showed me the memory of when we were fighting Serpine. You remember that, right? Of course you do! Anyway. Well, the Book of Names had fallen in front of me, and I saw my names! I hadn't realized I saw my true name until the Whisperer had shown me. Imagine that, huh? The thing is, I have no desire to kill millions of people, so I don't know why I'm going to end up like that."  
Skulduggery's jaw had long been dropped, and I knew he was wishing, oh dear God, wishing I was joking. "Valkyrie...?" he trailed off quietly, confusion and several other emotions clear in his voice.  
"Okay, okay!" I laughed. "I know you don't believe me, but it's true. Now, let's go! We said we'd be at Ghastly's by ten!"_

I almost laughed, but remembered my company just in time. "Look, Sanguine, I don't have time for you. Skulduggery will be here in ten minutes, and seeing as you spared my life last year, go, because he won't be thinking of that when he beats you up."  
Sanguine nodded, grinning. "Of course, li'l darlin'. I'll be seein' you 'round."  
And with that he sank into the ground, but not before flashing me a pearly white smile.


	9. Ranga

**I wrote this when I was at my Grandma's house. She had given me a slice of homemade chocolate cake and ice-cream.  
I love my grandma.  
Anyway, this is weird and crazy and I don't even know about it myself. so, enjoy!**

"Oh my God." Valkyrie started in horror at her reflection, half expecting the glass to shatter. Because, really, it had every right to. Valkyrie's hair was _orange_. _Bright orange_. "Oh my God." she repeated, slowly raising a hand to touch her head, clinging to the small thread of hope that maybe, maybe, she was seeing things wrong. She blinked. Twice. Three times. And she was still a ranger.  
Valkyrie needed a plan. Now. She couldn't go out in public like this. The thought was _ghastly_... Wait. Ghastly? That was it! Ghastly! He could make her a hat!  
Grabbing her phone, Valkyrie quickly rang the tailor. "Ghastly!" she shouted as soon as he picked up.  
"Val? Are you okay?"  
"No! I am not okay!" the Necromancer was very distressed. "I need a hat! One that I can tuck my hair in so no one can see it! Quickly! Skul will be here in an hour!"  
"Um... Okay. Why do you want to cover your hair, though?"  
"It's... it's..." Valkyrie took a deep breath and regained some of her sanity. It was quickly lost when she glanced at the mirror again. "Please hurry, Ghastly." She hung up.

Forty-five minutes later, Ghastly Bespoke was making his way up the wall outside Valkyrie's bedroom, wondering why on earth she would want to cover up her pretty dark hair. He climbed through her window and saw a shivering ball under her blanket. "Valkyrie? Are you okay?" He got a ragged sobbing noise in response. Out from under the blanket came a hand.  
Ghastly hesitantly placed the hat on Valkyrie's hand and she quickly grabbed it back. There was a pause. No shivering. No sobbing. Only pure silence.  
"What. Is. This?" demanded Valkyrie, still from under the blanket.  
Ghastly gulped nervously. "Uh... A hat?" he said uncertainly.

"Ghastly." Valkyrie took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. "What were you thinking?"  
Ghastly was terrified. Valkyrie could be so freaking scary sometimes. "That you needed to hide your hair? What's wrong with it?"

That was the last straw. "What's wrong with it!" Valkyrie thrashed around her blankets until she finally managed to get them off her. Ghastly almost laughed at the sight of her bright orange hair. Valkyrie stood up, waving her hands in the air, and threw the hat at Ghastly. "I can't wear this! Not around Skulduggery! Or anyone, for that matter!" There was a crazed look in her eyes. "What would people think? The two crazy hat detectives, _with matching hats?"_

It was true that the hat was almost identical to the one Skulduggery wore, but with a lighter colour. Ghastly honestly wasn't thinking about Skulduggery when he went looking for a spare hat that he could adjust slightly to fit the girl.  
"I'm so sorry, Valkyrie. But, uh, what happened to your hair?" Valkyrie, who had been facing the mirror, staring at her hair so hard that one would expect it to turn its proper colour out of sheer terror, spun around and glared at Ghastly. After a minute of terrorising the tailor her eyes softened, turned sad, and filled with tears. "I don't know! Someone- _someone evil_! - has done this to my beautiful, beautiful hair! They need to be found! To be _punished_!" Her voice went dangerously low.

Ghastly, who had always found hair such a pretty feature on girls, nodded gravely. "I'm sure Skulduggery will help you. But, uh, I must be going."

Before she could answer, Ghastly jumped out of the window and walked back to his van. As he was getting in, the Bentley pulled up and Skulduggery got out, walking over to him. "Why were you visiting?" he asked curiously, leaning against the van. Ghastly shook his head and closed the door, winding down the window. "Brace yourself, Skulduggery."

As he was driving away, he saw a pillow fly out the window and knock the skeleton over as he was climbing up the wall.

...

As Skulduggery climbed through the window of his partner's bedroom with a pillow in his hand, he saw Valkyrie in front of a mirror, adjusting a hat just like his own. She turned and glared at him, and he saw a strand of bright red hair falling in her face. "Ah." said the skeleton. "The hat. You finally took up my suggestion of being the two hat detectives! Simply delightful!"  
Valkyrie pulled off the hat, revealing the full extent of her hair problems. "Oh dear. I can't say I like your hair very much." He dodged a fireball the colour of Val's hair and beckoned for her to join him at the window. "You can tell me in the car."

...

**Crappy ending, I know. reviews are love, my friends.**


	10. Hate

**I love Sanguine. Sexy, much? **

Sanguine hated himself. He hated the fact that _Valkyrie Cain_, of all people, was his one weakness. The one person who could make him hesitate when he went in to kill them, who could stop him in his tracks with one look, one almost _seductive_ look. For all the years he had known her, Sanguine had been blown away by her confidence. As she grew older- he was pretty sure it started when she was fifteen- he had started to notice her beauty. It was infuriating. She was just so goddamn _stunning_.

That bitch was ruining his life.


	11. Derek

**Set after Dark Days... I guess. Or at least, after Dark Days came out.**

Valkyrie and Skulduggery were sitting at a table in a small coffee shop, sipping their drinks and looking around curiously. They had requested to meet Derek Landy, the supposed author of the series 'Skulduggery Pleasant'. After Skulduggery had read the books (including the last book, which resulted in a lengthy conversation about trust and protecting each other no matter what) they had contacted him and told him who they were, much to his amusement.

"_Hello! Derek Landy the Golden God speaking! How may I help you? Even though just listening to my voice would probably solve most of the world's problems."  
Valkyrie and Skulduggery shared a glance. "Mr Landy," Valkyrie said. "Do you have any idea who I am?" There was a pause on the other end of the line. Landy laughed.  
"I can't say I do, but you do sound a lot like my friend Laura! She was the main inspiration of my character Va-"  
"Valkyrie Cain? Yes, I know. Uh, about that Mr Landy. My name is Stephanie Edgley, and a few years ago I took the name Valkyrie Cain."  
Silence, then hysterical laughter. "Oh, my. I've met some devoted fans- a young girl once proposed to me when I was in Australia, actually- but never has someone done this! Wow. You even talk like her! Amazing! Now, miss, what did you want? An autograph? I bet I could get you a signed copy of Mortal Coil if I tried! Now tell me, what's your name?"  
Skulduggery cleared his throat. "Mr Landy, I would like to ask how you know everything about my and my partner's lives?"  
"Oh, who do you have there? I must say, you sound exactly like I imagined Skulduggery!"  
Losing her patience quite quickly, Valkyrie sighed. "Mr Landy, I assure you, we're being completely serious. Now, whether you believe us or not, we would like to have a face-to-face meeting."  
After a bit more chuckling and amused noises, the author agreed to meet them at a cafe and talk. He also agreed to bring a singed set of the books with him and a limited edition Skulduggery Pleasant poster._

When a man entered the shop, they recognised him from his pictures. He immediately spotted them, his large grin faltering as he took in their appearances. "Oh dear." he murmured as he walked over. "I think we'd better talk, don't you?"


	12. The MSN Coversation of DOOM

This is a conversation between me and my best friend. I'm Tanith, if you're wondering. Well... I changed the names.

_**Valkyrie has signed in**_

_Tanith has signed in_

**My toes hurt :(**

Haha lol. Why?

**I don't know :( :(**

rolf

**Ur not helping**

was I supposed to?

**Yes! :(**

huh. oh well. r u seeing Skul 2nite?

**yah. wat colour's best on me- gold or silver?**

silver 4 sure. y even ask?

**dunno. do you think he'll think im boring?**

of course not! he loves you val!

**No he doesn't. wat if hes just doing this 2 b polite? :(**

he wouldn't. he LUVS u. he told ghastly who told me

**u think so?**

I know so

**ur always so sure o urself**

cause i'm awesome

**stfu. im awesomer**

nah uh

**yah huh!**

nah uh!

**o crap hes here**

squeal!

**wish me luck**

good luck! have a great nite vally!

**call me that again and ill kill u**

sure thing vally!

**omfg he brought flowers!1 :)**

he totes luvs u

**who doesn't?**

me?

**u know u love me**

nah uh !

**not this again**

yes this again!

**skul is so cute when hes nervous. im glad he chose the sexy facade, 2**

yah. hes hotter than ghastly now! lmao

**hahaha hows things with u and ghastly n-e-way?**

shouldn't u be with skul by now?

**I told him i wasn't ready yet.**

coolies. and things with ghastly r awesome. now go!

**whatever. ta ta! **


	13. Movie Marathon

**I had a movie marathon with my best friend once, and she made us watch Mama Mia. I am scarred for life. Anyway, enjoy!**

Tanith and Valkyrie were sitting in the living room of Gordon's mansion, surrounded by DVDs and popcorn. They were in their pyjamas and had blankets on the couch, even though it was eleven in the morning.  
Their plan went like this: two chick flicks first, then an action, then a horror. It was simple enough.  
After a few minutes of arguing about which movie to put on first, Valkyrie finally distracted Tanith by soaking her head and ran to put her selection_, Mama Mia_, in the DVD player. "I hate you." muttered Tanith.

Approximately seven hours later, the two girls were curled up against each other, eyes nervously checking the room for any monsters, ghosts, mass murders or young women who spontaneously burst into song. Around them were chocolate wrappers, pieces of popcorn and Skulduggery's hat (Valkyrie claimed it made her feel 'safe' when Tanith raised an eyebrow). "Never again." whispered Tanith, while Valkyrie nodded in agreement.  
"Never, ever, _ever_ again."


	14. Fair

**Okay. In this one, Ghastly and Tanith were already lovers. I made up names for Tanith's family. And, uh, this is short and not very good. But yeah. Ghanith... Enjoy.**

It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair that a woman, such a beautiful, wonderful, _amazing _woman had to suffer that kind of fate. And the Fates weren't fair. Who were they to say how we lived our lives? No, nothing was fair. The life she had to suffer, that wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Valkyrie and Skulduggery and Fletcher had to lose a friend. It wasn't fair that Jason had to lose a sister. It wasn't fair that Emerald had to lose a daughter and Carter a daughter.

And it was _not_ fair that Ghastly had to lose a lover.


	15. Pink

"They're _pink_"

Valkyrie stared in horror at her fingernails as China looked on impassively. Slowly, as if they were dangerous, Valkyrie lifted her hand up to examine it closer. "_Pink_," she whispered under her breath, looking at China. "You painted my nails _pink_?"

"Of course." China replied. "It's wonderful on you. Skulduggery will _love_ it." The woman grinned as Valkyrie flushed in anger. She was still in denial when it came to her feelings for the skeleton.  
"What does Skulduggery have to do with it?" She demanded, but China just smiled and shook her head. "Young love," she sighed. "Is a sweet thing." Standing up and brushing non-existent fluff off her beautiful, midnight blue skirt, China left the room without another word. Valkyrie stared after her for a moment before averting her attention back to the pink- the _Barbie pink_ nails that glared _so_ obnoxiously at her from her hand. Valkyrie banged her head softly against the coffee table.

...

That night, Skulduggery and Valkyrie were checking out the supposed home of a serial killer.  
Skulduggery said, casually, "I like your nails."  
"Shut up and let's never speak of this, or your hat'll get it." She summoned a flame in her hand for emphasis. Skulduggery nodded, and kept walking.


	16. Fletchyrie

**Hey people! I was trying to get my cousin to write a poem for the Fletchyrie competition on the Fletchyrie page on Facebook, so I wrote her an example. A haiku... I wrote this is about thirty seconds, and I have been singing karaoke all day, so I'm not in my right mind. But enjoy!**

Fletchyrie is real

Val and Fletcher are in love

They are very sweet


	17. Clarabelle

Clarabelle hadn't moved from her position in a week. She was just curled up in a ball, in her friends abandoned apartment (her friend had died during the Remnants rampage), refusing to think. Well, that wasn't entirely true. There was one thought that was ringing through her mind, over and over again. _I killed Kenspeckle Grouse. _  
How could she? How could she let herself be taken over by that horrible creature? Why hadn't she fought harder over the control of her body? How could she let herself be taken over and let her own body kill Kenspeckle?

He was like her father, and he looked after her when people would give her strange looks and avoided her. He gave her a job and didn't seem to care if she was a tad weird. How did she repay him? She killed him.

Finally, Clarabelle stood up, a little stiff, and walked out of the apartment.

She knew exactly what she had to do to make things right.

Or at least, better.


	18. Child

**I was in the depressing kind of mood. I mean, I have to hang with seven year olds next week and help in their class. Who wants to spend their week like that? Anyway, I don't own THe Skulduggery Pleasant series. At all. Such a shame...**

There is nothing more sickening than the body of a dead child. Nothing more sickening than a child in a coffin, pale and still. Valkyrie Cain had always believed this, and every time she saw a dead child it made her angry that anyone could kill such a young, innocent creature, to end its life before it began.

But she had never, ever thought that one day she would be staring at her own child, pale and lifeless in her crib.

For the first time since she was twelve, Valkyrie didn't know what to do.


	19. Halloween

**HAPPY LATE HALLOWEEN! Here in Aussie, we don't celebrate Halloween, but I had a party. Also, it was my birthdayyesterday! Yay!**

Bob Smith was an ordinary man.

One night, he heard a knock on his door. The forty-five year old got up, opened the door and was treated with the sight of a zombie and a witch.

"Trick or Treat!" the zombie and witch cried. Bob stared for a moment. Then he murmured, to himself, "Halloween? Damn, I forgot to buy candy. Sorry kids," he said in a louder voice, "I'll see what I have."  
Bob made his way to the kitchen and rummaged his cupboards for sweets. When he found none, for he hadn't a sweet tooth in his mouth, he picked up a packet of breath mints and said "Oh well."

The children left looking very disappointed.

As the night went on Bob Smith was confronted with many odd sights. A mummy, a fairy, a rockstar and a large apple. But none of the costumes (or were they costumes? Perhaps this was all a plan to drive the man insane?) were as impressive as the ones in the group that came at about eleven. There was a very realistic skeleton, A woman with a sword, a man with amazing fake scars all over his face, a blonde boy dresses as Bloody Mary and a gothic girl.

"Trick or treat!" they cried. Bob nodded and went to find another packet of breath mints, think to himself, _those were the best costumes I have seen all night._


	20. Engagement

Valkyrie Cain didn't want to tell her friends about the engagement. If fact, she wasn't quite sure she wanted to get married at all. Of course, she loved her fiancé, but really? Was twenty not a bit young?

But it was a bit late for that.

Her friends, the people she had spent the last eight years with, were gathered in her living room in Gordon's mansion. Her hand was clamped around her boyfriend- no, fiancés- and she was sweating slightly.

Finally, after a few minutes, her fiancé spoke. "We're getting married," Skulduggery said and he turned and walked away, pulling Valkyrie with him and just as they were leaving, Valkyrie caught a glimpse behind her of her friend's shocked faces.


	21. Mum and Dad

**Uh, it's a bit all over the place... But I liked it XD**

_Mum and Dad,_

_I'm sorry. I know that you think I ran away because I was unhappy at home, but the truth is, I miss you every day, I want to be back home and I want to see my sister grow up. But I can't, because that would mean putting all of you, the people I love so dearly, in danger._

_This may sound crazy, but I am leading a double life. _

_Do you remember the night I stayed alone in Gordon's mansion after he died? You picked me up and as I hopped in the car you ask me if the night had been eventful. I had replied, no, it wasn't, when in fact that was the most eventful, life changing night of my life._

_There's magic in this world, Mum and Dad, magic and spells and vampires and demons. And that night, I became a part of that world. _

_You remember Skulduggery Pleasant, the odd man who covered up his face and you couldn't see any skin, at all. He's my mentor, teacher, and a skeleton._

_For years, I've been learning how to throw fireballs and how to use shadows as weapons. I've made friends and I've fallen in love. From the age of twelve, I worked for my world's government, fighting bad-guys and locking them up. Skulduggery and I are detectives; I've seen dead bodies, people being killed, zombies and vampires, and I have even killed some people myself. _

_In my world, we have three names- our given names (Stephanie) our taken names (Valkyrie Cain) and our true name, the name we're not supposed to know, but I do anyway. _

_A few years back, the psychics started having visions of the Mage who would destroy the world- Darquesse. I saw myself images of her killing people, even killing you. _

_I am Darquesse- she's the dark side if me, my alter ego, and I left because I wanted to protect you. _

_I was possessed once, along with thousands of other people. We were possessed by Remnants, who wanted to Darquesse to take over me. They did, Darquesse was let lose, and I killed people. _

_I want you to know that I love you three more than anything._

_Steph_


End file.
